Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What a dumb baby whore.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
