I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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