Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
