the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
