I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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