well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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