I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
