the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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