I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
accomplished twins. life is a go
you traded sex for a burrito?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
