I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
