I just made out with a guy for $7.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
