Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
