I just saw a hot homeless man
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
