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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So squirting runs in the family.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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