That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
