dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
