I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
