Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
