I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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