after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
