I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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