he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
