what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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