I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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