You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize