I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
