Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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