i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
