it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
