Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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