Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize