You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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