the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
