i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
