i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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