Ketchup is God's man juice
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
