maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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