it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
