don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
