woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
