$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
