I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
