So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
