best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
