In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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