last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
