if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
