Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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