Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
