we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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