I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
