covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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