So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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