oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
