I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
