I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
