i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
