woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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