Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
