You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
