We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
