loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
