You're completely useless in the revolution.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
