so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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